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Stupidae

Supposing such an animal somehow gets out of uniform [officially; not on its time off while it’s molesting kids] and up into actual detective work, things get better yet worse. What’s better is that most of us never have cause to meet a detective; those guys, detectards or not, aren’t known for following cars around looking to fuck with anyone. What’s worse is that the detectarded detective is in position to interrogate [scuse me: interview] suspects.

Ready for some legal advice, granting that you didn’t ask, and I’m not officially a lawyer, and—if I were—I’d tell you that my advice may have no bearing on your jurisdiction, and that—this being a book—there’s no attorney-client privilege, and…you get the idea….

With rare exceptions—rare enough that you can presuppose that you’re not in such a situation—you always have the right to remain slient, and the right to have an attorney present. You don’t wish to waive either of those. If you’re talking to a cop—any cop, from a streetlevel detectard to the chief of fucking police—you have nothing at all to say except that you invoke your right to legal counsel. Memorise that; remember it; stick to it.

In the event that you find yourself in a circumstance in which you lack the right to counsel, you’ll hear about it. I don’t encourage you to believe it, but you’ll hear about it. Make sure you hear about it on record. Meaning: pull out your phone, film the cop telling you that, and send the file off to someone you trust to get it and keep it for you.

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