In 1993, I saw an editorial blather in a newspaper. A newspaper was this sorta website made of paper which couldn’t be reloaded; you had to get another one the next day. It was a little like a printout, in a way.

Anyway: on the release of Jurassic Park, Spielberg donated a million bucks to the Dinosaur [sic] Society—an act which, as it happened, itself made the papers. A couple days later, a charitard wrote in. I don’t have the precise article here, but the whimper was something like this:

Steven Spielberg has millions and millions of dollars, and just made more millions by making this movie, and he gave away one million to charity, and that made the news? That’s like if I, making $24,000 a year, gave them fifty bucks. But you wouldn’t report that, would you?

Erm…no. We wouldn’t. But…hang on: I’ll get you a sticker….

That right there is the precise mentality of the charitard. I give and give and no one ever mentions me in the news; all I want is maximal recognition for minimal effort….

If I remembered the charitard’s name from 1993, I’d totally give it maximal recognition. And then it would probably sue me.

Of course, I do remember its name; I just don’t wanna hear from it. So its name was, like, 330JJ0432, okay?

See what I did there? Because: photographic mem—nothing; nevermind.

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